No Apologies Needed

Posted by Linda B James on May 27, 2016 5:14:00 PM


"Learn to ease your own pain
whether or not
someone gives you a well-deserved apology.
-- Linda B James

Here’s a scenario: You have gone out on a limb for a friend, relative, neighbor, or colleague and things have gone awry. They have not come to your rescue when you needed a favor. You did much for them out of the goodness of your heart. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty to help someone, and the person has turned their back on you when you needed them the most.

You are hurt, disappointed, and downright angry.

Where is the love?

Where is the karma?

Time is passing you by; you are still waiting for that person to apologize to let go of your anger.

You will accept a phone call, text, or e-mail. Any form of communication will do.

In an ideal world:

  • She/he should apologize, repent, and feel remorse.
  • A good old-fashioned “Thank you,” “I did not mean to hurt you,” or “I am truly sorry” will work wonders.
  • In an ideal world, apologies are best if they are offered immediately.

In the real world:

  • Some apologies are heartfelt, fake, forced, or delayed or fall short of expectations.
  • Some apologies take years to arrive.
  • Some never find their way to your heart to erase your pain.

Why the difference?

    • The other person does not think they did anything wrong.
    • They are not experiencing any remorse, guilt, or shame.
    • They just refuse to take responsibility.
    • They believe it is your fault.
    • They feel you are just too sensitive and you have overly exaggerated the situation.
    • They are in complete denial about the incident.
    • They do not know how to apologize constructively.
    • They are "stone-cold" sociopaths and they don’t care.
    • They think everything is okay.

Soul Searching is needed!

At the end of the day, you are the tortured soul alone with your thoughts and misery.

Make sure your conscience is clear and you have not contributed to the mishap.

"Mea culpa" and move on!

If the relationship is important to you, explain how you feel and ask them to apologize. Be prepared to give an apology in return.

Usually, sincere exchanged apologies can "bury the hatchet." Once you have discussed the issue and you are satisfied with the apology, consider it a closed file.

Rest in Peace

However, if they never said they are sorry or get a forced or a fake apology, these apologies are equivalent to not getting one at all.

You just have to say, “I am going to go on with my life. I am not going to suspend my life, hoping and waiting for someone’s words to soothe my wounds.” Whether you like or not, you have to be the mortician, pallbearer, and gravedigger. The sole responsibility is yours to heal your pain and bury the past. You must put it to rest.

Years from now, when you are sitting in your rocking chair and think about the unspoken apology you felt you deserved but never received, you should not have a resurgence of anger.  No apologies needed!

Remember, you are fully responsible to make sure all unspoken apologies are dead and buried.

 To your success,


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Topics: Business & Career Success, Personal Growth, Mental Toughness, Persistence

"The make any change, move out the old mindset, and move in the new." --- Linda B James
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