The Linda B James Blog

The Hidden Art Of Flirting- Part 3 - A Woman's Style

Aug 8, 2014 8:09:00 PM / by Linda B James


In part 1, I provided a background on the hidden art and hidden truths in flirting.  

In part 2, I covered the subtle things that men do when they flirt and the troubling consequences of their actions.  

This blog reviews how women's flirting techniques make them the masters in the art of flirting.  The blog is intended for men... Ladies, I know you will read this out of curiosity; (I know I would).

If you are new to dating, re-entering the dating scene or a practitioner of this subtle art, this blog is for you.  When it comes to flirting, women are more clever, subtle and trickier than men.  Women have twice as many flirting gestures.  The so called "weaker sex" can prentend to be helpless, sweet, innocent or act  professionally.  They can even show a lack of interest or contempt.  In spite of this behavior, they may or may not be flirting with you!

Women are an enigma - how do you figure them out?

YOU CAN'T, but here's the upside... this blog can help you understand their flirting techniques.  

How many times have you heard your friends express confidence that a woman is interested in them, only to be wrong and mocked for their stupidity?  Perhaps you've been there!... After the rejection and during that long "walk of shame" back to your group, you see your friends laughing at you!  You feel real small for being rejected and try to save face.  You tell yourself, "she wants me, I can tell, I know it."  But, do you really know?

When it comes to flirting, women know what they're doing but they don't want to give themselves away.  You must decipher their intentions.  To avoid looking like a fool, you must become a "flirtation sleuth."  You might be able to read the "signs" by piecing together a woman's words, gestures and actions.  Be careful, the signs can be confusing or even contradictory.

Next time you have a potential flirtation encounter size up the lay of the land.  I have provided a guide to help decode the clues you may see or hear.  

Guide to Decoding a Woman's Flirting Signals

  • Red light - DON'T BOTHER, you're wasting your time
  • Yellow light - proceed with CAUTION
  • Green light - GO AHEAD, make her day

Here are "red light" signals:

  • Wedding band - Speaks volumes.  No trespassing.  Real or not, they're "off limits" - someone is going to get hurt.
  • Turns her body or eyes away from you - Someone or something else is more interesting than you.
  • Monosyllabic responses - The conversation is going nowhere.
  • Abruptly talks to other people while talking to you - It's time to end the conversation.

Here are "yellow light" signals:

  • Engagement ring - Whomever gave her the "bling" may or may not have her heart.  But wait, the wedding band "red light" signal might still apply!
  • The "loving eye" look - Does not have much to say, but looks at you sheepishly or even lovingly.
  • Quick glances in your direction. - She's trying not to get caught looking at you.
  • Discussion about her future plans, new places to go and things she wants to experience. - These could be hints of a potential future date.  For example, she says she would love to go to a concert, or to see a particular movie.
  • Looks you up and down without moving her head - She may be confirming your attractiveness (or lack thereof).

Here are a few potential "green light" signals:

  • Passes by you for no reason - She wants to make sure you notice her and make herself approachable.  This is your opportunity.  Approach her and be ready to introduce yourself.
  • Puts on lipstick, lip gloss in front of you - She wants to look her best for you.  Careful to misinterpret her actions, she might simply have dry lips!
  • Makes frequent bathroom visits to reapply make up, comb hair, check for lipstick on her teeth and smell her underarms - she needs to make sure her appearance is not a turn off.
  • Applies perfume - She's hoping you will notice and like her perfume.
  • Adjusts her clothing to accentuate her assets- She is advertising what she has to offer.
  • Fidgets with objects, pencils, or jewelry - She is excited,nervous and happy.
  • Talks and touches your hand, shoulder and forearm gently- She wants to get close.
  • Walks away and looks back to see if you are watching her - She needs feedback that she has your attention.
  • Talks about her accomplishments - She's communicating that she has value and is worthy of your time.
  • Acts helplessly - She wants your assistance.
  • Softly twirls, twists and runs her fingers through her hair - She wants to get to know you.
  • Suggests you move away from the noise and crowd - She wants to get more personal but does not want others to hear.
  • Crosses her legs in your direction, and/or pushes skirt or dress higher - She wants you to get a better view.
  • She seems interested in whatever you have to say - She finds you interesting.
  • Mirrors your body language - She's making a subconscious connection.

Now, you know the signs.  You don't have to guess, you now a have trained eye.  You just look for the clues.

Flirtation techniques are universal.  They cross all age groups, races and socioeconomic levels.  They are not foolproof!  In the event you misread the clues, it's okay.  Be patient.  Practice makes perfect. 

If you are already in a relationship, read part 2 of this blog.

To your success in love, 


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Topics: RELATIONSHIPS - Love and Marriage, RELATIONSHIPS - Love and Intimacy

Linda B James

Written by Linda B James

Radio/TV personality, speaker, media coach and lifestyle expert. Known as The Lady With The Moves and the author of the Simple Treasures series.