The Linda B James Blog

Why Men Cheat

Jul 5, 2014 8:48:00 PM / by Linda B James


Why do men bother to get married if they are going to betray their bride?  This is the "elephant in the room", the "$64,000 question."  The truth is hidden deep inside of a cheater’s heart, spirit and mind. The hurt spouse and shocked observers can only speculate as to why the deception occurred.  If the cheater fesses up and honestly reveals the reasons behind the affair, the truth will be known.  If not, you will have to guess why married men cheat.

This blog addresses men's marital infidelity issues.  Yet, anyone in a serious committed relationship can benefit from this information.

There are a plethora of reasons why men are unfaithful.  I have listed a few of the most common excuses.  As you read this article, remember these poor justifications have nothing to do with you.   Most men who commit infidelity are insecure, weak and have not come to grips with their inner turmoil.  Some of the reasons overlap.   

This article will take some of the guesswork out of adultery.  Below are seven reasons why men cheat:

  1. “Ball and Chain” syndrome – He is sick and tired of being married to you.  Maybe the pressures of married life are overwhelming.  The children, the bills, and the job are too much for him to handle.  He feels trapped.  The marriage is one of convenience.  He is frustrated but can’t get out.  As the "old school" song goes “it is cheaper to keep her.”  In his mind, divorce is simply too messy, expensive and complicated.

  2. Quantity over quality - It’s a numbers game.  He feels slighted because he took himself "off the market" too soon and did not have enough time to “sow his oats.” His buddies are bragging about the their conquests and he feels left out.  He knows that you are a good wife and mother.  Everyone knows that you are "head and shoulders" above the other women but that does not matter.

  3. Single Man Envy – He has a weakness for women, often refers to them as “eye candy."  He knew when he met you that the flirting, cheating, complimenting women, making women laugh and giving them the "eye smile" would never stop.  Maybe it's cultural, generational or his passion.  His habits, demeanor and behavior will always be akin to a single man’s lifestyle.  He feels social pressure to stay married but longs for his days as a "player."  His heart will never belong to you.  You are forced to share your better half with other women.

  4. Under his spell - You are “under his spell”and he knows it.  Whenever he is caught he knows you will forgive his indiscretions.  Every time you fight ,he starts with the “sorry rap” and you give him another chance.  He knows you will be more furious with the other woman.  He has betrayed you several times.  He always manages to convince you not to leave.  His charm works every time.

  5. The thrill is gone - He is no longer in love with you.  The 7-year itch has come sooner than expected.  He does not find you attractive.  He thinks the "grass is greener" on the other side and wants to explore.

  6. Window of opportunity.  You heard it before.  He had more than three beers and she was flirting with him.  It was unplanned.  Just a "one night stand" at a weak moment.  A lapse in judgment.  He will never see her/him again.  Here is the classic line: "You know I love you and she did not mean anything to me." Bottom line, his thinking is that "boys will be boys."

  7. He is addicted to sex - Sex addiction is a serious problem.  He may have good intentions but the addiction has taken over.  You cannot get inside of his mind to help him.  If this is what your are facing seek professional help.

It seems crazy for a man to jeopardize his marriage and family life.  Shortcomings can make individuals act in strange ways.  None of these reasons can justify the heartache and emotional damage that infidelity leaves. Chances are, these problems existed in some form before you came along.  None of the excuses are acceptable reasons to break the marriage vows.

It's better to be open, honest and upfront than to lead a double life.  

Let's continue the conversation on infidelity.

In my next blog I will focus on why women cheat.  Women have different reasons and motivations.  You may be surprised!

Wishing you happiness in your love relationships!


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Linda B James

Written by Linda B James

Radio/TV personality, speaker, media coach and lifestyle expert. Known as The Lady With The Moves and the author of the Simple Treasures series.